Empty

Frustrated and Empty

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 20 seconds

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Robert Kiosaki said today on his page " To be academically successful (make no mistakes) you have to do the opposite of being financially successful (make many mistakes). This brings tears to my eyes because God knows I have made many upon many financial mistakes. I have experienced an equal number of failed projects that I poured my blood, sweat and tears into.. to only have them fail.

I'm feeling a sense of failure once again today.. I know in my heart everything will be fine... I always make decisions based on integrity and honesty oftentimes to the detriment of myself. That is one thing I have struggled with my entire life - Guilt. I feel guilty when I get to experience things others can't or live the way others can't, especially my family. Because of this I often over compensate those whom I feel I owe something to.. whether it be a friend that helped me in a pickle or my mother who gave me life.

By reading some new age books and learning about the law of attraction I have discovered that you must fill yourself up first before you can help others. But how much is enough? And does it count that I like to see others happy and absolutely hate when they are not? I'm sure you've heard this before but you know when your flying and the flight attendant says to put your oxygen mask on before you help your neighbor? That is similar to life, YOU have to be fulfilled before you can help others be fulfilled. This is a concept I have been aware of for a good while now.. but somewhere along the line guilt has been bred into me.

I feel  guilty over everything... most people would be like " I got mine now go get yours"... I am in a little different situation than most.. I don't feel that way about the average rude person who demands the world for nothing and won't even crack a smile.. but I feel that way towards people who I feel have made a difference in my life.. which unfortunately makes me vulnerable to a whole host of use and abuse scenarios.

In the end.. even with all my failures I can sleep comfortably at night and wake up knowing that my destiny is truly in my hands.. and I can choose what I want to do that day and not some boss who is half my age telling me what to do and how to do it.  If I lost everything today, even with all my failures,  I have priceless knowledge that can help not only myself but others whom I love and admire if they so ask to receive it.

Rhonda Byrne, you have been right all along.

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