Among friends, family and co-workers, there are those whose attitudes can be demeaning and toxic. It is difficult relating to some of these people and quite often becomes very challenging. So how do we get out from the hole and become masters of our own fate? It’s not as difficult as you may think.
The following are steps I take in dealing with toxic, negative people.
Set limits
Toxic people try to consume you and make you swim deep in their problems. They don’t want to see solutions so they waste your time by pressuring you to join their pity party.
There is a fine line between offering a listening ear to their problems and getting yourself involved too deep in the negative emotional twists of such complainers. Do yourself a favor and set limits. Distance yourself from the person as much as possible when they start to ramble. They have to want change for themselves, you can’t do it for them.
Don’t expect the person to change
By expecting someone to change, you lower your energy and create a resistance in people. Noone wants to be faced with a tone of disapproval, blame or rejection by a toxic person. Simply suggest feedback and let the toxic person decide what they will do with it. Never demand actions or instant change. It’s not our job to change someone else. I mean do you really want to? It takes a lot of precious time and energy that can be used on finding someone that makes you happy.
Dominate your emotions
It’s very important to know how to store energy. So when it comes to battling with a toxic person, you will be much better off if you manage and control your emotions. Don’t be at the mercy of your feelings, learn to dominate them and use them to your advantage.
By managing your emotions you live to fight another day and avoid being brutally beaten. Choose your battles wisely and always pick the right time to be engaged in a fight. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. The more you fight or argue with someone the more you engage them . The more they are engaged the longer it takes them to leave your life. Are you really done with this person? If so, don’t add fuel to the fire. Drop it and move on.
Don’t let others restrict your happiness
People who deal with toxic people in a healthy way do not allow other people’s opinions to determine their joy. They are masters of their own happiness. You really are, believe it. Don’t give someone the power to determine your happiness. Don’t let them live rent free in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out. Save your space for people who have proven to be an asset in your life.
Forgive, but Don’t forget
By not forgetting what a wrongdoer has done to you, it will allow you to move on and focus on protecting yourself from future harm. It is not as if forgiveness shouldn’t play a part to your success in dealing with toxic people because it should. Forgivness is for YOU not the other person. It all goes back to not letting someone live rent free in your head. The more you focus on the toxic person, the more space they are taking up in your head. Release the negative thoughts, they do not serve you.
Forge a support system
Battling toxic people alone can be exhausting. To avoid such nerve racking mental exercises, surround yourself with like minded, positive people who are supportive and willing to help you during difficult situations. They are out there, find them. Look for forums, communities and chat rooms for like minded people. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.
Get some sleep
It’s very important to stay positive, creative and proactive. The best way to do this is by getting some sleep. With well deserved rest, you can manage your stress levels and be recharged enough to deal effectively with toxic people.
Focusing on solutions instead of problems
This is a biggie and my favorite. You know the person, “but the problem is” or ” It sounds good but…”. The absolutely best way to manage your emotional state is to fixate on the solutions of the problems you are facing. Focus on personal development and improve your circumstances. By improving your circumstances your attitude will produce positive emotions and reduce stress.
Set barriers
You can’t deal with everyone in the same way. Be wise and establish boundaries to rise above the negative people around you. By doing this, it’s much easier to predict their actions. This will also equip you with knowing when to put up barriers with negative people and when not to.
Be self aware
By being self aware you are able to determine how far anyone can go before he or she pushes your buttons. Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. By being emotionally distant to some people, you are better prepared to manage situations, even when you are confronted by a derailed person. Just smile, nod and move on.
Rise above negativity
We all can agree that toxic people can be irrational and crazy. They cannot be reasoned with, so instead of trying to get muddled up in the mix, try hard and focus on not responding to the frenzy and chaos, and respond only to the facts.
Never play the victim
While toxic persons can play the field to their advantage, you are left to decide whether to play the victim or not. Do not allow yourself to be victimized by your emotional state, and instead focus on owning up from within to whatever negativity that surrounds you. You may not be able to control what makes you happy or sad, but you can control on whether to focus on the negativity or not. Do yourself a favor and replace the negative feelings with happy ones. You always have a choice.
Never judge
Judgement is negative. You can’t successfully resolve a negative situation with more negativity. It takes two to tango. Focus instead on compassion, understanding, respect and forgiveness.
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