What if a friend or loved one throws a party you were not invited to? What if a co-worker embarrasses you in front of your peers? You would more than likely forgive them if their apology was sincere. Right? But what happens if the apology never comes your way?
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You don’t have to feel like a doormat in situations like this. You want to do everything you can to feel empowered and in control of the situation and your feelings.
Today I’m going to discuss why I think it’s wiser to move on rather than wait for an apology and how you can make the first move.
Forgiveness
Guess who reaps the benefit of forgiveness? You. Think of it as something that you do for yourself rather then doing it for the other person. Grudges and resentment are heavy burdens to carry. Do yourself a favor and lighten your load; use the energy on something more constructive.
Show some compassion. Show lots of it. Though it’s true you should give people, depending on their role in your life, a limited number of do overs, you should consider giving the person who hurt you a second chance. You may just need a second chance yourself.
Cooperate on finding a solution. It can be challenging, but the other person may not even know they hurt you. Open up a dialogue so that you can air your feelings.. If your relationship is strong enough, you should come out of it being a better friend, lover or family member.
Voice what hurt you early on, do not let it fester. Letting it fester is equivalent to allowing a pot on a stove boil over. Nothing good can ever come of it. Give yourself some time to figure out what you are going to say, then make the approach.
Take control of the situation. Believe it or not, but you are in command of your emotions and feelings. Stop checking your phone to see if your boyfriend, girlfriend, coworker or a loved one has tried to make amends. Chances are good you’ll just end up disappointed.
Moving on without an Apology
Sometimes you want to forgive… You know that you should forgive.. But the resentment still lingers and your mind.
Wish them well. Don’t dwell on the negative qualities of a person, think of only the good. Maybe, just maybe, all of your good thoughts and feelings about the person will override the fact they didn’t apologize for hurting you.
Acknowledge that you may have played a part in the conflict. What was your role? we all like to think we’re perfect and do nothing wrong.. but chances are you played a role in the disengagement.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Maybe they are embarrassed to apologize. Maybe by apologizing it will make them feel vulnerable. Think about their pain and why they are doing what they are doing.
Express yourself by writing an imaginary letter to them or journaling your thoughts. Putting your thoughts on paper really does work wonders. By doing this you can freely express yourself, without having to worry how they will react.
Forgiveness is the best way to Free yourself from the bars that jail you. It doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you. You have to set boundaries. When the person crosses the boundaries you set, then you need to start making some decisions.
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